Is he a real date or fake

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

I have signed up to online dating for a year now and finally I think I may have found the one. I’m really excited but usually my good luck never happens which now i’m thinking is he real! No one ever ticked all the boxes until this guy appeared and messaged me, I took one look at his photos which put a smile on my face then i read his description again all matching to what i’m looking for in a date. He made the first move and has been respectful throughout conversation the only problem is he’s some distance away not just down the road. He is prepared to come and meet me but I feel sick with nerves as he’s too good to be true, i’m worried he may be a fake and turn out to be someone i’m not attracted to. I would be grateful for some advice, thanks Penny

Hi Penny

That’s great news you have clicked with someone online, the hard bit is now meeting face to face. You have to bite the bullet and just go for it, he’s actually making the effort to come and see you from a long distance which shows he’s keen. It’s hard to believe someone who make the effort to see you and not reveal their true self, what a waste of their journey if so! Make sure you meet in a public place like a bar and tell a friend or relative where you are going. It’s best to be safe especially if you have met via online dating and it’s true you don’t always know who you are speaking with until you meet. Try and think positive about this new potential relationship, if you think negative thoughts this will only worry you more and by the end of it you will be a nervous wreck beforehand. Tread cautiously but at the same time enjoy yourself as this could be the start of something special. Saying that if it doesn’t work out there is always plenty more fish in the sea.

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Dating in the Grey Area

Dating in the Grey Area and Why I Plan to Stay There… For Now

“Mum, we’re just sort of ‘seeing each other, Okay?”

The classic line I hear myself using each time I leave London to visit family, in what I increasing come to think of as, my backwards little home town. Now that I live in the big bad city of London I have come to think of suburbia, rather smugly, as a stifling little ring of people who have settled for each other in little boxes on the outskirts of little towns.

School friends are all but married in their mid twenties; committing to mortgages, thinking about children, even researching the good schools and checking out the local register… Now there’s a grim thought.

I’ve never wanted to settle. And, that’s what I see when I look home.

London on the other hand is exciting and fast and I can, if I wanted to, find a new date every day of the week. It’d be a lot of admin, but it’s doable. Dating apps are homing devises, singles nights act as cattle ranches for the prowl; London is the land of opportunity if you’re single and willing.

But when you meet someone you like, and you’re forced to say, “Mum, we’re just sort of seeing each other, Okay?” is it Okay? Unsettled becomes unsettling and I begin to think maybe suburbia has it right. Maybe safe little boxes with safe loving people wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

This craze for non committal grey area dating seems to be born out of the ease and necessity of using dating apps to meet people. Especially when you live in a city full of expressionless suits and a zero eye contact etiquette policy.

But presented with what seems to be endless hoards of singletons at your disposable it’s very easy to begin dating without ditching the habit. Dating whilst wondering whether someone better might come along. Dating without the commitment.

The non-committal grey area is a tricky place to sit still.

I met him on one of those dating apps we all have, notifications buzzing, in our pockets: A stream of endless singles on tap and ready to swipe. But, surprisingly we hit it off. I didn’t wish he’d looked a tad more like his profile pictures and when he tried to kiss me at the end of date one I let him.

Things continued with that slow trickle of progression that lends itself to modern relationships… and when you’re trying desperately to ‘Play It Cool’. By date three we’d held hands in public, date four I’d stayed over and around maybe date seven or eight we committed to being ‘friends’ on Facebook. Around month two I had a toothbrush at his flat and he’d kept a stash of the brand of condoms he liked in my top drawer. This had to be serious.

But one Sunday afternoon he introduced me to an old acquaintance as his ‘friend’ and I knew we were far from out of the grey area.

No I haven’t deleted the dating apps but neither has he. Notifications might be switched to off, but I still spot the icons lurking when he opens his phone to show me a funny post on his mate’s instagram. We’re both playing it safe and it’s driving me nuts!

It’s a truth universally acknowledge that the single most attractive quality in a woman is sanity. Strangely this is not the same for men. Most women want men with a good sense of humour or a large… bank balance, ahead of a grasp on reality.

So I’ve held it together as best I can, locking away my ‘crazy’.

“Mum, we’re just sort of ‘seeing each other, Okay?”

I like him so of course my insides are dancing around whenever I see him and while I’m with him it’s hard to steer the conversation away from the danger grounds of, ‘where is this going?’

Because deep down I’m a pessimist. Because deep down there’s another version of me looking over my shoulder for the next girl on his dating app who might just be a little better than me. Slimmer, funnier, more intelligent, a little more sane than I am. Or should that be saner..?

So I hold it in and I have, for now, resolved to wait.

But why would anyone choose to stay in the grey?

I’m a pretty excitable person. If I like you I really like you and we’ll hang out and I’ll offer to carry your shopping and I want to know all about your day and what’s bothering you at work. But if I love you, I decide fast and hard and I’ll carry all those worries and bothers as well as your groceries. That’s just the way I work.

I appreciate that’s a little full on and while I think it’s nice, and I’m buzzing about how sweet I’m being, I know full well I might be pushing you away, just a little.

So I find myself in the grey area again. But the difference is I’ve never seen it through before. By which I mean I’ve never waited before, I’ve never been patient enough to get to the other side, or to know even if there is another side!

I’ve always been that ‘lets have a talk’ girl and I have to tell you, it’s done more harm than good, thus far. Communication might be key, but communicating something that isn’t ready to be said can have the reverse effect to everything you’re trying to say.

I’m a believer in doing something until it’s not fun anymore or until it’s not what you want. But I do think that I just get to that point sooner than other people. I wonder what would or could happen if I could be able to just chill for a moment and let things be. Rather than talking through what I want them to be.

You can’t force a feeling from someone or yourself and whilst I know having a clear mind for what you want is a good thing, and sticking to those ideals will ultimately make you happy, sometimes patients can really be a virtue.

Of course weighing the pros and cons is a muddle you need to sort through on your own. But maybe just give it a minute. Wait and see.

If you’re with someone, doing all those things that look like a relationship and being treated all the ways that you’d hope to be whilst in a relationship, the chances are that’s what will follow. Admittedly the balance is hard and it’s something I struggle with whilst looking for the light within my own grey, but it’s there.

A wise person once told me that love is rarely bestowed upon those looking for it. Instead it’s almost cruelly granted to the people who are already happy. Who don’t care about searching for the one, because they’re already loving life, and radiating happiness. Translation: No one ever fell in love with a desperate romantic.

Actually, that wise person was an Ex, but that’s neither here nor there.

So I’m in the grey area and I’m going to give it a chance: Because, you can’t force a feeling, or a relationship.

There are two of you in the grey area and sometimes you’re going to have to wait for the other person to catch up. I’m going to give it a chance. I’m not going to focus on the relationship so hard, loose perspective, and start pulling things out of proportion. Let’s see what’s on the other side of the grey.

“Mum, we’re just sort of seeing each other.”

And for now, that’s okay.

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Is Revenge Sweet?

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

I’ve had an on and off relationship with a man i’ve been seeing over the last two years. Over time my feelings have grown for him but I am struggling to deal with non commitment from him. As he is younger he likes to have his nights out with his friends then I hear from others that he’s been seen with other women. Whether these are rumours or not I shouldn’t have to hear it and have questioned him if he’s gone behind my back to which he denies. Then one day a conquest of his approached me in the school playground announcing she had slept with my man. I was distraught even though I kept my cool, he had to come clean in the end and but made out we were on a break. He lied to me and I can’t forgive him, I want to take revenge even though I still have feelings for him. It would make me feel better if he suffered some pain the way he made me feel with his lies and cheating. How can I get my feelings under control without going mad. Tammy

Hi Tammy

On and off relationships are difficult to have as the uncertainty is there of not knowing where you stand. It’s hard to not get attached to someone you are spending time with so when they go off as if they’re single it deeply hurts the person left behind. Your emotions are heightened which can also have an effect on your well-being or mindset. To constantly feel angry or revengeful is unhealthy and to conquer this you need to make some changes. Firstly one is to talk to this man and give him an ultimatum either he commits to you or your relationship is over. If you don’t make a stand he will continue to do it and your unhappiness will be prolonged. Sit down and discuss in an amicable way how you feel then decide from there if it’s make or break. The last thing you want to do is take revenge as this won’t achieve anything plus you could end up getting in trouble no matter how small or large. The best way to get revenge is to show him you are a strong person and move on with your life with a smile on your face.

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How to Speed Date Successfully

Speed Dating is one of the most long-standing forms of singles event, with events regulalry run in most Western countries most nights of the week. But what is the key to speed dating successfully?

1) Choose a venue you would normally attend

Ideally, choose a speed-dating event at a bar you know well. This way you will be more relaxed in your surroundings, and more likely to act like yourself. By choosing a location which you would go to socially, you have more chance of meeting like-minded people. If there aren’t any speed dating events in bars which you normally go to, choose locations similar to the ones where you and your friends like to go.

2) Don’t go too far out of your way

Before attending a singles event, think sensibly about the lengths you’re happy to travel to date. There’s no point choosing an event on the other side of the country if a long-distance relationship doesn’t appeal. And remember, it’s not just your dating parameters which you need to consider, but also the distance any potential matches are willing to consider. You may be happy to commute 50 miles into London each week to see a potential partner, but are they happy living so far apart?

3) Choose a setting that suits you

The great thing about singles events, is that they happen everywhere and anywhere these days. Make sure you consider what going to an event says about you. If you choose a speed dating event in a bar, other daters will assume you’re comfortable in that environment. If you select speed dating out in the countryside, you’re making a different statement about yourself and the type of dater you’d like to attract.

4) Pay attention to the age range

These days most speed dating events come with specific age limits. These age limits are of importance. We all have an idea of the partner who complements us best, and age is often a factor of great importance. Look at the age range for both yourself and your match, and ensure both of these fit your situation. Never turn up to an event which is not for your age-group. No one wants to start a relationship with a lie, and what may seem like a harmless oversight could cause issues in future.

5) Think about niche areas

These days there are increasing number of specialist events. Speed dating for those of a certain religion. Speed dating for those with a particular hobby. Events for specific professions. Think carefully about what is particularly important to you in a future partner. Might there be an event, which will attract him or her? Is there an event guaranteed to attract a number of people on your wavelength?

6) Come prepared

The trouble with speed dating is that often daters get tongue-tied. After two or three conversations, you can easily feel as if you’re treading old ground. Where you live. What you do for a living. It can get uncomfortable having the same conversation twenty times in an evening, even if it’s only for four minutes. So instead of becoming awkward, have a think about how you can spice things up. Prepare a couple of different questions, guaranteed to divert conversation in a different direction each time. Think about questions which might promote intrigue, or a positive response in the person, as opposed to sounding dull and cliché. Good examples include asking which three famous or historic guests he or she might invite to a dinner party, or asking a favourite childhood memory.

7) Don’t disappear immediately at the end

If the event takes place in a bar, often daters will stay one for at least one drink. So if you felt a connection with someone, strike up conversation again. Outside the strict speed dating set-up, it will feel more natural, and you’ve already broken the ice during the dating event. Use this time to properly work out if you get on, and don’t be shy to switch numbers ahead of the official emails from the company. This is normal life after all! Just with some added help!

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Valentine’s Day Traditions Around the World

Valentine’s Day Traditions from Around the World – An infographic by the team at Giftcloud

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Top Five Valentines Day Gifts

Valentines Day is one of the most important days of the year for loved up couples, and it is a day filled with love and outgoing public displays of affection. For many couples this day can be a case of make or break by the gifts that are received. Let Singles 247 help you find the perfect Valentines Day gift – with out top five valentines gift ideas.valentines gift

1. Home Spa kit: Every woman loves to feel pampered and cared for. Not only is it a caring gift, it allows you and your partner to become closer as you can share in the experience of the gift by giving a sensual massage to one another.

2. Chocolates: This is a classic gift but always goes down well. When we say chocolates we don’t mean going down to the local garage and getting the cheapest ones you can find. We mean buying her, her favourite chocolates and including a personal message to make her feel appreciated.

3. Soft Toy: This is the perfect gift for those that are in a new or younger relationship, in this instance it is less about what the actual gift is but more the fact that you bought them the gift. In any case what woman doesn’t love the occasional soft toy, like a teddy bear with a cute heart or a message written on it, it shows that you care about your partner and are willing to do little things to make them happy.

4. Gift Basket: A gift basket is an ideal present for anyone on Valentines Day, and you can really go to town and make this gift personal. You can put all of the little things that your other half loves in the basket and include small messages if you want to put that extra bit of effort in. This is an extremely romantic gift that shows you truly care about your partner. If you want to go the extra mile for Valentines this year then this gift will surely impress.

5. Jewellery:  Who didn’t expect this to be on the list of top five Valentines gifts. Jewellery is a classic gift that women simply never tire of. This can be an extremely romantic gift and is really more for couples that have been together for a long time. This is because you need to know what your other half likes, as if you get the wrong type of jewellery it can ruin the mood on the day – and night for that matter.

I hope that short list of ideas will get you thinking. If you are single and looking for someone to share Valentines Day with this time next year, then check out the Singles247 online dating site.

 

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Buying a woman a drink is an old idea

Common dating idea of offering drink to a woman on a date plays in the mind of maximum men. Attractive girls get approached all the time, and most of the times they get offered a drink from random boys so what is the difference between you and those boys?

The difference is definitely that you can come up with something different, original and witty, that leaves her drop jawed and assures you the path for the next date. The idea is showing the woman you like so much that you are intelligent, observant and that you have thought about your date and how to please her in the best way. Here are some ideas to have an unforgettable date in the frame of modern encounters, which will make you see that buying a drink on dating is an old idea:

Take her to a place where she can be in contact with Nature. Women love open spaces with green, ochre, red and yellow colors all around. Therefore, the answer is a park in mid-afternoon. Have a walk along and across these explosions of Nature and let her know that you have chosen such a place because you were thinking about a spot in which you two could feel comfortable and surrounded by the smells, the colors and the exuberance of Nature.

Invite her to a touristic area of the city and buy her a souvenir that reminds her about you every time she sees it. This idea will confirm you that buying a drink on dating is an old idea, since they want something that is thought for them in particular as a special woman, instead of something addressed to a mass of woman in general and, to make matters worse, it is one hundred per cent anachronic.

Another idea to implement is to hire a ride in a carriage pulled by horses. Of course that in order to carry out such activity, it cannot be your first date; it will definitely has to happen after several dates and you have to be sure that she is as daredevil as you are to dare to go in a carriage while being gazed by everyone. Can you see that buying a drink on dating is an old idea?

Are you not still convinced that buying a woman a drink on dating is an old idea? So try this idea and get yourself persuaded about it: ask her out to go to a crowded place at an unusual time. You may be wondering what all this is about. The answer is very simple: invite her to go to a shopping center or to a shopping area at 10 o’clock in the morning. You can have a snack, see the shop windows and then go to a Museum or to an Art Gallery. The woman you are having a date with would never have imagined that someone could invite her to such a creative and relaxing tour.

Can you now understand that buying a woman a drink on dating is an old idea?

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In love with an old flame

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

Last year I was in short term relationship with a younger guy and at the time I had rekindled affection for a former lover which was out of the blue. At the time I stayed with my partner even though I had feelings for another man, but I didn’t want to upset anyone. My former lover was single and made it quite clear he wanted to be with me but I couldn’t make the break. Over many months of anguish of not knowing what to do it was obvious to my partner I wasn’t my usual bubbly self and at times broke down in tears. I was also moody and not happy in the end which caused arguments then resulted in the ending of that relationship. Most people would be devasted of an ending but I was free to hopefully start something special with my former love. Unaware to me my new love was already in a relationship and couldn’t tell me the truth. He had reasons were he never thought i would break up with my ex and was afraid that I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. I was mortified and very upset as I had dreamt of falling into his arms but someone else had their hands on him. I try to move on with my life even though we are still in contact and he clearly still feels a connection with me. I just don’t know what to do, give him an ultimatum or move on. Jo

Hi Jo

What a difficult predicament to be in and your relationship that you were in at the time was doomed as soon as you saw your old flame. Things happen for a reason and perhaps you weren’t meant to be with either of them but only time will tell if your old flame acts fast while you are currently single. In the meantime the best thing to do is enjoy your time on your own to reflect on the current situation and decide what’s best for you. It’s no good pining for someone you can’t have it will only hinder you. Move on and meet other people to take your mind off him and within time you will get over it and maybe find someone better and forget what all the fuss was about. Now you are single you can find the right available man that ticks all the boxes.

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Making Long Distance Romance Work

Long distance romance has always been a tough one. Whilst absence can make the heart grow fonder, too long apart can cause problems. So, how can you ensure you continue to get closer to someone, when you’re physically far apart?

Honest Communication

Most issues with long-distance relationships stem from a lack of trust. The way to build trust is through honest communication. If something starts to be a small niggle, talk about it before it develops into a larger problem. Tell each other about what is going on in your lives, so that there aren’t wide gaps which are open to misinterpretation and mistrust.

Regular Communication

The great thing about living in 2015 is just how easy it is to communicate. Ten years ago, international calling was cumbersome and expensive. Nowadays, not only can you call someone internationally for free, you can chat face to face, with minimal effort.

Set aside regular points in the week when you chat. Arrange a regular ‘date night’ where you sit in front of your computer screen and chat over dinner or drinks, just like you would if you were in the same place.

Use All Kinds of Media

Skype and Facetime aren’t the only ways to feel closer to one another. Social media allows you to see regular updates of each other’s lives, and you can use more personalised apps like Whatsapp to have real time conversations over text message, which include photos, voice messages and video messages. You may be in different places, but you can still fill the person you care about in on the ups and downs of your day, with photos to illustrate the stories and personalised messages.

Make Each Other Feel Special

When you’re far away from the person you care about, you need to feel loved. Ands so the way to achieve that is by still remembering to make cute gestures. The age of the internet means you can send personalised gifts at the touch of a button, though sometimes all it takes is a Post-It note with the words ‘I Miss You’ to remind someone you care. If ever there is a time to show the power of your passion, it’s when you’re away from the person you love.

Meet Up As Much As You Can

Nothing beats spending time together in person, so make sure you use every opportunity. Visit one another as often as you can, and schedule holidays together as much as possible. You both need to feel like you’re the most important parts of each other’s worlds, as any decisions that act against that feeling are only likely to drive you further apart than the geography.

Close The Distance As Early As Possible

For long distance romance to work long term, it needs to be a temporary arrangement. Whilst various methods can make long distance manageable, and keep your relationship strong, despite the distance, it is important to close the gap as soon as you possibly can. If the relationship is still going strong after a year, one of you might want to consider relocating. But be prepared for some adjustments. Going from long distance to a normal relationship set-up can take some adjusting too.

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How To Behave Like The Perfect Gentleman On a First Date

Even if it seems like the easiest thing on earth, being the perfect gentleman sometimes occurs to be a real challenge. Of course, everything depends on the expectations of the woman but there are basis rules for gentleman that cannot be underestimated in any way. Especially when it comes to first dates, the impression that is made is more than important and will play a great role for the developing of further relationship with the woman. In case you do not want to disappoint your lady, I will offer you very valuable tips that will present you as an excellent gentleman who respects women.

The first date is traditionally full of many emotions and funny situations, but you need to take into account that the real gentleman always has control of the things, showing his impeccable manners in every possible situation.
In this article you will be acquainted with excellent tips how to make your lady feel unforgettable on your first date.

Look Like a Gentleman and Take Care of Your Appearance
The real gentleman always takes care of his appearance. If you want to impress your lady, present yourself in clean and comfortable clothes. This does not mean to put on an official costume and to behave like an aristocrat but you can still prepare a flower for your lady. I assure you that it is not old fashioned- just on the contrary, every woman adores flowers, whether she admits it or not. A pair of nice jeans and an appropriate shirt in a combination with a red rose will work perfectly for such type of occasion. Use a perfume with a light scent and avoid the heavy ones, because they often disturb not only the women, but all the people that are situated near you.

Make suitable compliments and be careful for your language
The perfect gentleman always knows when to make compliments. As far as the first date is concerned, I advise you not to use compliments as a weapon to impress the lady. There are many ways in which you can show the woman that you appreciate her beauty and intelligence, but apart from this, you can try to initiate an interesting conversation on diverse themes that will appeal to both of you. Pay attention to your language and keep your mouth clean from all those impolite words and expressions that demonstrate a lack of intelligence. Instead be as courteous as possible to your date and pay attention on what she says.

Be a Good Listener
One of the first-date rules is to be prepared to be a good listener. Probably the woman will want to tell you more about her life and past experiences. Instead of interrupting her in the middle of the sentence, listen to every detail of the story. I advise you not to be too curious and to let her say only the things that she considers appropriate for the moment. A true gentlemen never crosses that border and knows well that it is important to be discreet on the first date.

At the end of the date, you can ask for permission to kiss your date. Some women find this very romantic, because in this way you show her your respect and good manners. Of course, you often need to improvise when it comes to first dates, however the important thing is to show enthusiasm and willingness to impress the woman. To be a gentleman is not out of date and I can guarantee that most of the women adore such kind of behaviour.

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