New Years Resolution – Find A New Partner

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

I’ve been single for quite a while now and have decided that this New Year I need to make the change and get out and go dating. I find myself stuck at work too long so I never meet new people. I am a quiet person at first but once I get to know someone I come out of my shell. As I don’t have any experience with dating what’s the best way for me to find a date in 2018?

Hi James

There are many many people like yourself who take the new year as an opportunity to take stock of their love lives and evaluate things that are missing from them such as a partner. If you haven’t had much experience in dating then may I suggest online dating or attending singles events such as speed dating. It’s a great way to get you back into the dating scene which will also give you confidence when meeting new people. There are many organisations online that offer a variety of services to suit everyone it’s a case of finding a company that suits you. Give it a try and make 2018 the new year to boost your love life and friendship circles.

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Stop Arguing With One Another

Dear Nicola, For the past year I have been in a relationship which is unfortunately full of arguments on a daily basis. Even though we both love one another, the constant arguing is wearing us down and I’m concerned at some point in the future it will make us split up. We are both fiery people and strong minded which really doesn’t help as we constantly strive to get the last word in. Please can you give me some advice on how we can to stop having these continuous arguments with one another. Thanks Alex

The first thing that springs to my mind to solve this issue is ‘communication’. With every relationship you need communication as without it your relationship will go nowhere. It doesn’t help with you both having strong characters and no doubt strong tempers, and it strikes me from what you say there is some rivalry going on with who has the last word. You need to sit down with your partner and explain that you simply can’t keep arguing, ask him what’s on his mind and if there is anything that is annoying him to trigger off the arguments whether it’s him or you starting it. Once you get to the root of the cause, then you can deal with it. The starting point is for both of you to come to an agreement and work together to stop the arguing.

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Fussing Over My Boyfriend

Hi Nicola, I hope you can help me with my problem, my partner of just over three years is getting tired of my constant affection towards him. I just can’t stop telling him how much I love him on a daily basis. He finds this hard to understand and he finds it exhausting as I am a bit over the top. He is on my mind 24/7, and I don’t eat properly as I feel totally love sick. Please can you help? Thanks Jilly.

To love someone too much can be painful and you do need to find ways to deal with your strong emotion as this could cause issues in your relationship. Your partner could feel suffocated from your constant attention. Take a step back and think of ways to control your feeling of excessive love for your boyfriend. You could occupy your mind with a project or activity so your sole focus isn’t on your partner. Meet up with friends socially and enjoy their company, join a club that interests you, and so on – there are many things you can do to help you overcome your deep feeling.

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Celebs Go Dating

The latest series of Celebs Go Dating has been riveting viewing, and we are going to miss it.

celebrity dating

#CelebsGoDating

There have been some real characters this time around – and the celebrity guys who were looking to find a partner via The Celebrity Dating Agency were James ‘Arg’ Argent from The Only Way is Essex, over the top gay Bobby Norris, reality TV veteran Calum Best and a former X Factor contestant named Frankie Cocozza. The celebrity women looking for love included Ex on the Beach’s and daughter of Les Dawson, Charlotte Dawson, TV and radio presenter Sarah-Jane Crawford, US actress Courtney Stodden and the sweet Georgia Toffolo from Made in Chelsea.

So a fair number of reality TV “stars” taking part in yet another reality TV show!

During the course of the show, viewers see the celebrities given tips on how to bag a partner, and some of their behaviour has been hilarious. Have any of the people on Celebs Go Dating found love though? It has been an eventful series, that’s for sure, with trendy London speed dating evenings, cringe group therapy sessions and Calum Best getting pushed off a boat by a woman he stood up and we’ve seen some very surprising twists and turns, but the only celebrity to find love is Bobby Norris who hit it off big time with Jack. In his final meeting at the agency, Bobby actually made the relationship adviser Eden Blackman cry real tears.

The other relationship adviser on the show is Lady Nadia Essex and between them they won’t stand for any nonsense from the celebs. They are tasked with pairing off the famous faces with their perfect matches, selected from members of the public. The two of them are ably assisted by Tom Read Wilson, who plays the role of the exuberant secretary. Incidentally Tom was once a contestant on The Voice, but he didn’t get very far.

The Celebrity Dating Agency doesn’t exist of course – it is just a made up name for TV. The closest online dating site we could find is called Minted Men which supposedly attracts celebrities.

We won’t miss the stupidity of some of the celebrities, but we will miss the show.

#CelebsGoDating come back soon!

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How To Cope After Separation

Dear Nicola, I have recently separated from my wife and find it incredibly hard to cope with the situation. I’m so emotional it is affecting my work where I can’t concentrate 100%. I have family and friends that have been trying to help me through this but there’s only so much they can do. I would be grateful if you could give me advice on how to cope. Dan.

One of the hardest things to deal with when you are recovering from a separation is the sad feeling that can leave you lost and upset. Some people take months, some take years to recover but the old saying ‘time is a good healer’ although a cliché is very true. As time goes on you will be able to deal with being single again and move forward as life is too short to dwell on the past. Stay focused on finding new ways to meet new people and make new friends as this is a good base to help you cope after separation and move on and find a romantic partner.

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I think my wife might be a lesbian

Dear Nicola, I’ve been married for almost ten years and feel my wife is slowly drifting away from me. Even worse than that I feel she is drifting into the hands of another woman.
She’s always been a very sociable woman and loves arranging group gatherings but lately I see that she is being overly friendly with a close female friend. Others have seen them holding hands and I have been told that when they say goodbye to one another they share a lingering kiss. This makes me feel very awkward and uncomfortable, and I need to find out if there is anything going on behind my back. I don’t want to lose her but I can’t live a lie playing the role of a happy couple, when she is showing her love to another woman. We are supposed to be making plans for the future but I can’t do that is she is a lesbian. Help me, Jason.

Hi Jason

Without a doubt, the best way to approach this is to sit down and talk to your wife. Tell her what your concerns are and how her obvious advances with her female friend is making you feel very uncomfortable and that others are noticing too. I suggest not asking her if she is a lesbian directly as this could potentially annoy her and put her on the defence. She is your wife and unless you tell her exactly how concerned you are, this situation will continue which could eventually make you feel worse. If she has something to tell you regarding her sexuality, and if she is attracted to women then she needs to let you know. You are her husband and she needs to take her vows to you seriously and respect your wishes. I hope you two can work it out.

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My Girlfriend Doesn’t Know My Real Job

Hi Nicola, I’ve been with a lovely woman for a few months now, after many years of being single. I feel I can really connect with her but I am worried the relationship will get ruined as she doesn’t know my job as a debt collector. She thinks I am an office worker with prospects and I have hidden the truth from her. She’s a high earner and I don’t know what she sees in me. She thinks I have career prospects and I just don’t. I don’t know how to tell her I just do as I am told at work. Calum

Hi Calum, I feel for you and understand your thoughts on this but at the end of the day if she likes you then she shouldn’t judge you by what you do for a living. Bing open and honest is the key to a successful relationship, so the sooner you tell her what your job is, the better for all concerned, as if you don’t she will think you will always be dishonest. If you feel your job is not good enough for her then maybe you should consider a career change. Look for online courses or further education to broaden your horizons, but that’s only if you really want to, don’t try and change the person you are.

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How can I get my boyfriend to tidy up?

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

My boyfriend and I keep arguing about whose doing the housework, its becoming really frustrating. We both work full time jobs so have the same time off but trying to get him to help with the cleaning, cooking, washing up, laundry is like banging my head against a brick wall. I don’t want to sound like a nag and the last thing I want to do it keep arguing, BUT I’M NOT HIS MOTHER! I really wish he would want to help do these things… just because I am female it does not automatically mean I am not going to want help. I too want to sit down and relax. Please help! Becca

Hi Becca

This is something I hear on a regular basis and I do sympathise with you. This is a common cause of arguments in cohabiting relationships. What I tell everyone with the same problem, is go back to basics, start a rota and split everything between you, one night he cooks, the other night you cook. Mix it up and see how that works for a trial time. If it doesn’t work my suggestion would be to start cooking your own dinner and washing your own clothes. By the time he’s realised he’s run out of clean boxers he’ll be forced to rethink his bad habits when he’s having to wear his dirty undies inside out.

I hope this helps, do keep me updated should you need any more advice.

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How can I make my girlfriend lose weight?

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

Back at the beginning of my relationship my girlfriend was toned, slim and physically fit but now after 3 years she’s become a little bit too chubby fat. The main thing that attracted me to her was the way she presented herself and looked after her body. Now shes a bigger she dresses in awful frump clothes. The last thing I want to do is upset or break up with her but I just don’t find her attractive at the moment. I don’t know what to do… please help! Rory

Hi Rory

Overtime couples can feel relaxed and comfortable in their relationships so much they don’t feel they need to put as much effort in to their appearances. It happens to women more often.? Another contributing factor to weight gain is also if people are feeling a bit low so look to food that gives them instant comfort for the short term. Find out the reason for her weight gain first, she could be so comfortable with your relationship she is unaware of her weight being an issue or ask her if she’s got any worries or needs some motivation in life. Tell her how much you care and that you value your relationship and want to make her happy which could give her the boost he needs. Also suggest doing some sports activities that you could enjoy together as well as help her get fit, probably the best solution! Get to the root cause and pin point what’s going, once you find out then work together as a couple which in turn the future will look promising.

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I can’t get over my boyfriends kiss with his ex

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

I am really depressed over my boyfriend’s past. We’re in our early twenties and both virgins – but I was not his first kiss. He had a silly relationship at school when he was 16 and I can’t seem to get over it. I can’t accept he shared that moment with another girl. I feel less special, that she is better than me and all the kisses we have can never be as good as his first kiss with her. I know this is irrational but I can’t help it. I think of it all the time and it’s ruining our relationship as well as taking over my life. Cassie

Hi Cassie

He kissed someone else, but he’s kissing you now. You really need to concentrate on your relationship for the present and future things to look forward to. An inexperienced first kiss with someone that he doesn’t even see anymore means nothing compared to the months/years you have created together now.

You also mentioned that you are both virgins, forget about the kiss because you are going to potentially share a very special intimate moment when are you both ready to have sex. That is the most special thing you can share with your boyfriend.

Don’t spend time dwelling on the past as you could ruin your future with him. It can’t be changed and you shouldn’t destroy the future with things in the past. If you feel there may be deeper issues that could be the result of you feeling like this, you may want to explore them.

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