My boyfriend loves sex toys too much

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

My boyfriend shall I say is a little adventurous when it comes to having sex. I like the old fashioned way of intimacy but after a handle of years into our relationship he started introducing sex toys. At first I was surprised because it was all new to me but I guess I went along with it to make him happy more than anything. Without going into too much detail his collection of sex toys is becoming more of an obsession where there’s so much of it. I feel it’s a hindrance to me as I simply don’t enjoy it not to mention finding somewhere to store a dildo! How can I tell him enough is enough without losing the sex drive. Trish

Hi Trish

Enjoying sex with your partner is important and there needs to be an understanding that you each know what the other enjoys. You have to be honest with him and tell him you don’t like his excessive use of sex toys. Maybe plan some days/nights when you get intimate that the dildo stays in the drawer or other sex toys are out of the way. Explain that you want to enjoy being intimate with him on your own, suggest spicing up your sex positions to help. Firstly tell him your thoughts and find a way to accommodate his interest at particular times without being too much of a routine. Getting the best out of sex is when it’s spontaneous and you don’t want to lose this. Sometimes you have to please a partner but when the it’s one sided it’s never going to work.

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Am I having an open relationship?

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

For the past two months I have been dating a guy that I really like but I feel he could be seeing other women too. We’ve been physical virtually from the start but now we’re spending more time with each other and going for meals, trips out surely he should be committed to me only. He did tell me at first he doesn’t want to live in each others pockets or get too intense because he’s had some past relationships that ended up in disaster because of this. I appreciate his worries but at the same time I need to know what’s going on and if i’m the only woman in his life. Faye

Hi Faye

It’s never easy when you are in the early days of a relationship and the question is where do we stand, are we official or not. As much as you feel that you are committed to him you need to find out that he is of the same opinion and the only way is to ask him. It’s no good if you feel threatened by another woman that he could also be dating as this can make you become paranoid which will also give off negatives vibes to your date. He needs to be honest to let you know if he wants an open relationship or he has decided that he will only date you. It’s not good to get romantically involved where one is serious and the other is not, it’s best to find out sooner than many months down the line where you could get hurt.

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Five Ways For Women To Be Better Lovers

Five Ways To Be A Better Lover – For Women


Sex is an essential, physical expression of love! However, from a woman’s perspective, it is always seen in the context of a meaningful, lasting, love relationship. It is more of an emotional experience and how the partners feel about each other determines and influences their sexual desire and performance level. For a woman it fulfills her womanhood, satisfies her sexual drive, reassures her of being loved and above all, serves as a way of expressing her love and commitment for her man.

The art of being good in bed is a marvelous skill that will result in you and your man feeling sexy, passionate about your relationship, especially when you live far away from each other. Once you master these, sex will be an awesome experience for both of you!

The following are 5 enticing tips for women to be better in bed:

  1. Erotic massage

Arousing a man is rarely a difficult and tough job. A great way to arouse and excite your man and show him that you really love and care for him is by an erotic, sensuous and titillating massage. An erotic and seductive massage can stimulate your man’s sexual desire.

Caress and fondle your man gently with your hands or with a massage oil. With your tantric touch you can send his pleasure and satisfaction soaring. This little sweet torture builds your man’s anticipation and when you finally set out to make love every move and touch of yours will be extra delicious for him. Begin by stroking with your hands then with your hair followed by your breasts to quickly excite and tantalise him.

Make him lie on his back and start massaging his legs, abdomen, inner thighs, chest and nipples. Now pour some massage oil on his penis and testicles and gently massage and squeeze this sensitive area. An intimate massage in this erogenous zone will make him go crazy with excitement.

  1. Initiate sex

It is men who usually initiate sex. However it will be a pleasant surprise for a man if you take the turn to initiate sex. Men really adore and fantasise about a woman who knows what she really wants and knows how to get it. Use sexting as a powerful tool to turn him on, when you are not together. If you initiate the sexual spark you will be able to please him better and you will also feel more pleasurable and enjoyable.

  1. Take the charge

Generally men like to take the lead in sex. However they also love when their partners take the charge and lead from time to time. Your confident and assertive approach towards sex will in fact surprise and excite him. You can start your fantasy play by seducing him, stripping him and deciding on the positions.

When you take the lead you are showing him that you are really enjoying yourself and trying to making him enjoy too. Especially if he struggles with performance anxiety, or other sex related issues your enthusiasm will be highly appreciated.

This reversal role will excite him more and also enable you to explore and express your powerful sexuality.

  1. Look good in bed

Wear sexy lingerie that enhances your sex appeal and makes you look good too. As arousal starts with the eyes it is essential that you look good and sexy for your partner. Seeing the voluptuous curves of your body through the thin and flimsy night dress can set his pulses rising.

Hence make sure you wear sexy clothes that complement your body. You can also go a bit extreme and dress outrageously as men are turned on by what they see. Remember that even sexy underwear can tease and tickle your man to give the most exciting and pleasurable experience. Yes, sexy lingerie can make you look incredibly dazzling and enhance your sex life.

  1. Try new positions

Never go through the same moves and same positions each time. Be creative and try out new postures and positions for sex. This will make sex more exciting and thrilling for both of you. Experimenting and trying out new positions and seeing how they feel like is a real fun experience.

Use of sex toys to discover his erogenous regions can stimulate him and add extra pleasure to his orgasm. Leave your comfort zone and be creative in your sex life by experimenting and experiencing new erotic positions.

If you want to be better in bed make him realise that sex is more than physical closeness – it is an emotional adventure and pleasurable exploration.

There you have it – five great ways for women to be better in bed, and as I said before, once you master these, sex will be an awesome experience for both of you and your partner!


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How can I make my boyfriend lose weight?

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

When I first a relationship with my boyfriend he was toned, slim and physically fit but now after a couple of years he’s become to put it bluntly fat. The problem I have is that I am beginning to find him unattractive which doesn’t help the situation with the physical part of the relationship. I still get on with him and we work well together but i’m worried it’s not going to be enough and that it could lead to a breakup. I do want to be with him but he needs to change his diet, stop being lazy, get motivated and lose weight or he will lose me. Kelly

Hi Kelly

Overtime couples can feel relaxed and comfortable in their relationships so much they don’t feel they need to go out of their way to make themselves appear attractive. It happens to women more often so perhaps you can relate or understand this? Another contributing factor to weight gain is also if people are feeling a bit low so look to food that gives them instant comfort for the short term. Find out the reason for his weight gain first, he could be so comfortable with your relationship he is unaware of his weight being an issue or ask him if he’s got any worries or needs some motivation in life. Tell him how much you care and that you value your relationship and want to make him happy which could give him the boost he needs. Also suggest doing some sports activities that you could enjoy together as well as help him get fit, probably the best solution! Get to the root cause and pin point what’s going, once you find out then work together as a couple which in turn the future will look promising.

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How niche has internet dating become?

How niche has internet dating become?

With more and more people joining online dating sites and it becoming more acceptable to do so, has meeting someone on the web become easier?

Websites like Eharmony and Match brought online dating world to the masses some years ago, and now singles have the possibility to find a partner who shares their interests. The chances of romantically meeting someone in a café or on a night out are much slimmer than they used to be. Why trouble yourself with the nerve racking experience of finding someone in a public place when you can do it in the comfort of your home.

This big boom in online dating has undoubtedly helped cultures where it is difficult to meet someone new, as well as singles who do not have the time or resources to meet people.

Online dating has developed so much further past the ‘profile pic.’ Customers are now asked to fill out masses of personal details to help the computer algorithms crunch to find the perfect match.

Along with niche dating sites, finding somebody over the web has become much more of a science. If you are of a certain religion or ethnicity there will be a website for you. The industry has boomed and there has been an astonishing number of niche sites like bbw singles, single parent dating and Millionaire Dating. The opportunities to find someone who shares your interests you are much higher than previously. Traditionally dating profiles have been for workaholics, aged between 25-35 who simply don’t have the time to meet someone; whereas now the possibilities are endless.

There are still your ‘quick fix’ solutions. Tinder remains one of the most popular dating apps in the world, due to its easy accessibility and free download. Its easy interface means you simply have to swipe right and hope for match. The odds of finding love, however, might not be great.

When you take your game seriously, you should consider a site like eHarmony. It takes online dating very seriously and even took out a patent on their Compatibility Matching System. they have worked on their questionnaire for 35 years; these kind of sites really want to match you up with someone who’s character actually suits you, as a member you must spend time actually answering a personality test.
There is such a wider variety of sites and such a wide range of specification for finding matches. BeautifulPeople only allows you to register if other members deem your appearance to be good enough. As shallow as it sounds, it is just a way of increasing the odds and making it easier for people to get matches. In comparison allows you to find a partner based on music taste.

Even if dating sites are not your thing, as they are possibly a bit daunting for some you can find something more anonymous by going to online games or chatrooms. Going online can even help with life decisions, and you can invent a new name for yourself and go spontaneously into conversation with other people. Often online games match chat rooms where you can easily and anonymously let your feelings run free.

There is no doubt that the world of dating has changed. As people become busier and busier it is harder to find that one special person, so perhaps the vast opportunities of online dating are a step in the right direction.

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Every woman I fancy puts me in the ‘friend zone’

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

I’ve been single for a long time, it’s got me to now as I don’t seem to find someone who’s interested romantically. I have tried to ask women out on dates on numerous occasions but usually they would rather just be friends, I end up with more female friends than guys! I am of average looks, smart, have a good job and financially secure I don’t understand why I can’t find a girlfriend. Is there anything I could be doing wrong? Tom

Hi Tom

When you go looking for a date it’s more than likely not going to happen, where as most people find that when they least expect it romance is just around the corner. Without knowing your techniques I can’t say if you’re doing anything particularly wrong but at the same time you must be yourself and if people don’t like that then tough. Romance tends to develop further through friendship which is the ideal way for a long lasting relationship so don’t give up just yet. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, even if you have your eye on a potential date let it blossom naturally.

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Social Media and your break up

It’s needless to say, social media is such an integral part of all our lives. When we experience something exciting we might share it on Facebook, when we find something amusing we might take to Twitter. Social media provides an outlet for what we need to express, but it isn’t always positive.

Before social media when you broke up with someone you were left with a small number of things; some mementos, old answer phone messages and memories. With the rise in sites such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram you have constant access to all of that person’s photos, their daily updates, videos of you two together, knowledge of who they’re seeing, who they’re not seeing, what events they have gone to, what events they are planning, what events they are unsure whether they want to go to or not.

Advice columnists around the world say the cure for a break up is a small amount of reflection on the relationship and the other person but to develop a keen desire to move on. With social media a small amount of reflection can easily turn into a constant, keen observation. After a difficult break up we have a desire to relive and continue what we once experienced. Social media acts as an outlet for that particular need, but it can easily become exaggerated.

It’s really surprising how many channels are available to connect to people we know, so the first thing to do is find them all. Be warned, this can easily become a trip down Nostalgia Road (Memory Lane’s more depressing side street), so give yourself a time limit. You need to find all the ways you’ve connected to that person online within, say, fifteen minutes. Do you have access to their location on ‘Find my Friends’? Do have a chat history on WhatsApp? Do you have photos together on Facebook? Did you two make a lip sync video on Youtube?

If you thought I wasn’t going to tell you now delete them all, then I feel a little sorry for what I’m about to say next; now delete them all! If you see yourself having absolutely no future with that person (and be honest with yourself), reflecting over old photos, videos and messages will do nothing but prolong the hurt. Don’t be afraid to ask a friend to delete them on your behalf. This is supposed to be difficult, but after doing this you will feel so much better.

You’re probably itching to send a message or maybe do a little facebook stalking. There are tools online that will help you through this. Set up a sitelock on Facebook, Twitter or anywhere else you can check on that person, and ask a friend to make a password. A small breather away from the mass communication of social media will alleviate the pain. Maybe join social media sites that you know your ex isn’t part of. Going cold turkey can be difficult, so setting up a profile on a new and interesting networking site but still remaining cut off from your ex might be a good idea. Maybe start that Youtube series you’ve always been thinking about or try and write a new blog. There’s also a tool out there that’ll play Nickleback to help you get over your ex when you stalk your ex online, so there’s alweays that!

Of course, when time has passed you could consider is trying an online dating site to find someone new.

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I’m getting bored of my relationship

Dear Agony Aunt Nicola

For the past two years i’ve been in a relationship that I feel is getting tedious and generally boring. My partner has no get up and go and is quite happy to sit at home playing on his computer where as I would love to go out and about such as meals out, fun activities etc. To have a conversation with him is impossible as he’s only half listening while being distracted by his computer games. There’s not much communication going on so I don’t feel the point in continuing with this boring relationship, any advice would be appreciated. Chloe

Hi Chloe

The problem here is obviously lack of communication between the two of you. Ask yourself have you done the most to make him realise he could be sacrificing his relationship for his games. Talking to him when he’s half listening won’t work as he’s so engrossed in what he’s doing. When you choose your time to talk make sure it’s not while he’s gaming as he should really listen to you then. If he still doesn’t then give him an ultimatum that he can’t avoid, if you don’t make a stand now the problem will continue.

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5 Online Dating Tips You Need to Know

If you enter the dating arena with the right frame of mind and a willingness to just enjoy the experience and to embrace each dating experience for what it is, you will soon realise the many benefits that Internet dating has to offer. Check out what to do to make sure you can make the best out of that!

1. Be honest with your profile
The most important thing to be considered for a successful online dating is creating an honest, attractive profile. Don’t exaggerate your looks or your personality, because sooner or later, your partner will be able to find them that they are lies. While creating the profile picture, it is the habit of many people to upload their pictures taken at a very young age, when they were so beautiful and young. Try to upload your recent pictures and be as natural as possible so that your partner will not be disappointed when he or she meets you during the first time.
If possible, use pictures taken during your recent vacation or some kind of photos in which you are involved doing your hobby. These kinds of pictures can be helpful for starting a conversation.

2. Use a status line that states your purpose
If you can make it fun and clever that would be an additional advantage for you. But just ensure that you don’t make it too cleverly such that the reader needs a decryption algorithm to crack the meaning of the status line. The status line should encourage the readers to click on your profile and to know more about you.
Select an attractive username. Don’t use a mix of impossible numbers or characters. They don’t mean anything and people usually find people, who they can remember with their names.

3. Write a good description
In the description, you can use 3 or 4 paragraphs. First state who you are and what you are looking for. Again, it is worthy to state here: “Honesty is the best policy”. Be creative and unique as much as possible. Don’t share too much of your personal life. Create a limit between your more personal things and the things that you can share with strangers.
Try to be brief. You can create funny descriptions, but too much of description could bore the visitors. Once you are done with the description, read it for the second time and do a spell check.

4. Asking questions creates more opportunities
When writing your first email to a person you are interested in, try to ask more questions to them rather than giving more of your personal information. Try to seem more engaged. You can also give compliments based on their profile like “You have a beautiful smile”, “Your profile is very interesting” and so on.

5. Train your communication skills
One of the most important of all the online dating tips is communication skills. Improve on your communication techniques and skills. Because, only when you impress a person with your words and messages, you will win your first date. Try to be polite while communicating and respect each other.

The most common complaint received while online dating is that the person disappeared after a while. It is very disrespectful. If you want to stop talking to a person, be honest and say that politely that you don’t wish to continue the relationship further.

Confidence and honesty are the most important things that you should have to have a successful relationship. By following the above online dating tips you can improve your profile and get more chances of finding your perfect soul mate.

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5 Tips for Successful Chat Dating

Chat dating is not new, it has evolved over the time and has been around for many years. Part of the internet landscape are chat rooms which prior to the progress of internet, features an enhanced dating experience of couples from a multitude of dating websites.

There are many chat dating sites in a chat room, chat dating takes place in real time while people converse with each other. Other people can give you an immediate response where your comment will appear as soon as you type it and press the enter button. Some even takes advantage of the full use they can have using webcam chat dating and successfully it has solved some problems with communication encountered with dating online. You can have a listed view of chat dating participants on the side of the chat room with their nicknames and you can directly just click on their names to be able to converse with that person. You can access features such as “whisper’ for private messaging options or use voice and video chats to enhance your chat dating experience. There are many chat rooms available online for a specific group of interests.

But first, know the standards a chat room should maintain to have a fabulous chat dating experience.
For singles who wants to start dating online, you may follow these 5 easy tips for successful chat dating:

1. Keep it Private. Your username says a lot about your personality and you are asked to create a username, and its best if you remain as discreet as possible by revealing only few details about yourself. This name will be the name you’ll be using when you engage in chat dating with another person. Until you’ve gathered enough information from your date that would be the best time to reveal any kind of personal information.

2. Don’t type in all capital letters or use fonts and colors that are hard to read. Typing in this way can be misunderstood for shouting and you might even meet people who are annoyed to this. Generally, it is considered rude and unpleasant. Try to avoid using bright colors as this will make the words you type hard to read.

3. Be friendly especially when there is someone from the chat dating room enters. It’s a way to make yourself known to other people and it’s you next big step to enter the chatroom without being shy.

4. Don’t initiate cybersex in chat rooms unless it’s a room designated for cybersex. This is not a good idea, as you might be going against the site’s policy. In return, they might suspend your account once they’ve found you out using chats for sex. Don’t also opt for sex because dating is a decision.

5. Last but not the least, just be yourself. You need not to invent some personality who isn’t really you, after all, pretending someone who isn’t your true self is more than a liar. You know that this isn’t you, and it could be a really uncomfortable experience to guise yourself as another person. This will later on destroy you once you’ve chatted with someone you already like.

More and more singles are using chat rooms, but most of them are females who are greatly influenced by online dating.

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