Does Appearance Count with Online Dating?

Dear Nicola

I’ve been single for some time and thought i’d give online dating a go. I am confident in most things but when it comes to my appearance that’s a different story, I’m not blessed with good looks some may say that i’ve been hit with the ugly stick but I won’t let that deter me from meeting mr right. I am hoping there is someone out there for everyone as the saying goes. The main problem with online dating for me is the lack of communication initially as most men initially judge on looks which doesn’t hold me in good stead when there are many pretty women to compete with. If you have any suggestions to help that would be much appreciated. Jane

Hi Jane

Online dating is a good way to communicate with the opposite sex but I take on board people can judge on appearance at first glance. To some people a photo is crucial for them to decide if the attraction is there before they decide to hold a conversation with that person. Everybody’s preference on who they think is attractive is a personal preference, what could be appealing to one person may not be to another. Life would be boring if we all had the same idea of what is considered ‘good looking’ or ‘attractive’ so please don’t let this hinder in your quest for finding a suitable date. Think positive and your prince charming will be just around the corner when you least expect it.

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The Numbers Game

We all know the expression well – “there’s plenty more fish in the sea.” At times, it’s the last thing you want to hear, especially if you’re hung up on one particularly special fish! But like all clichés, the phrase is based on a truth. And that truth could not be more appropriate, if you’re single and dating in 2014.

A Whole World of Choice
Never have we ever had quite so much choice. At the touch of a button you can access the profiles of single men and women all over the globe. The internet has allowed ourselves to cast our personal dating nets farther afield than any single people ever have before.

As a result, dating has well and truly become a numbers game. Something which comes with both advantages and disadvantages.

Picky Daters
On the one hand, we’re constantly being told how fussy we are as a dating generation. With so many matches available, people are less and less inclined to ‘settle’. But whilst you could see that as a negative, surely waiting to date the right person, rather than rushing to get into a relationship with the wrong person, is a more valuable long term benefit? There’s always been a big difference between settling down, and just settling.

Dating More Than One Person
These days you do have to be careful about exclusivity. You can’t simply assume that you’re the only person someone is seeing. The very nature of online dating inboxes, and dating apps, allow you to talk to multiple people at once. Again, you could see that as a negative, but it’s also something that comes with genuinely positive aspects.

Don’t Rush In
It can be too easy to rush headlong into romance, and often the relationships which start quickly also end quickly. By keeping your options open, meeting a range of people, and dating more than one person in the early stages before exclusivity, you can actually build stronger foundations for a relationship. By dividing your time across a range of daters, you don’t focus too much on one person, and so things can develop more slowly, and naturally. Everyone likes to feel like they are winning a prize when they find a partner, and so by not being too overly keen in the early stages of a relationship, you can actually pique each other’s interest more.

The Need for Honesty
Dating more than one person isn’t to be frowned upon. It’s the modern way of dating. The key to doing it properly, and fairly, is honesty. Be honest that you’re still dating other people, and don’t sleep with more than one person at the same time. Then, when you think you want to become exclusive, talk about it, and make sure you’re both on the same page.

Knowing What Really Matters
As someone who always thought she knew exactly what she wanted and needed in a partner, I can’t stress how important it is to get out and meet people. It’s only when you meet people face to face, that you can understand which characteristics are deal breakers, and which things don’t really matter at all. Some of the most important features you need in a partner, may not be categories you can search by on an online profile.

Learning About Yourself
It’s an odd reality, but the more people you date, the more you come to learn about yourself. Not just the things you’re prepared to tolerate, but often it’s only when you recognise characteristics in strangers, that you come to see them in yourself. Take the opportunity to learn more about yourself. It’s rare in life that you will get the opportunity to meet so many strangers, one-on-one, in a short space of time. And trust me, you won’t be single forever!

 

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Is She Into You? The 7 Types of Female Flirt

Men, if you see an attractive woman do you find yourself counting the seconds when you know she’s looking at you? Or maybe reading into the way she just licked her lips?

Women, do you find yourself frustrated that the guy you spend all your time flirting with never seems to know about it?

It’s been a problem for as long as humanity has been around to date – men have trouble reading women. It’s a tough job because unfortunately for them all women flirt differently. So before trying to find out the meaning behind every move a woman makes, it’s helpful to know what you’re looking for. Knowing the answer can even teach you how to start flirting in response…

No. 1 The Playful Flirt – Conversation will often be teasing between you and the playful flirt, there’s lots of laughter and it’s not just because she thinks you’re a clown. If you find yourself constantly the butt of her jokes, it could well be that you’ve come across a playful flirtation. Show that you’re a good sport and can take it but make sure you tease in return – build that tension.

No. 2 The Shy Flirt – Some women can’t talk to you, not because they’re rude but because they become a little tongue-tied around men they think are hot. If there’s no complicated history to explain this behaviour, there’s a possibility she finds you very attractive. This is one of the hardest to flirt types spot as often they’re trying hard to conceal their feelings. Making her feel comfortable is the way to knowing.

No. 3 The Awkward Flirt – An awkward flirt is similar to a shy flirt, but instead of folding inwards on themselves, they become a bit outwardly uncomfortable. Tell-tale signs are stumbling, tripping over or making indefinite movements, a broken or mumbling voice is revealing too. She might make slightly boring conversation, not because she is boring, but because she’s anxious. Don’t draw attention to what she does, see past it and make her feel at ease.

No. 4 The Boastful Flirt – Rather than becoming shy, some flirts are all about performance. Acts of bravado, show offy gestures, maybe doing slightly risky things are indications of showing off confidence to appear more desirable. A boastful flirt might involve talking themselves up about many things.

No. 5 The Self-deprecating Flirt – Do you know a woman who talks herself down around you? Maybe she asks for reassurance about how she looks today, or perhaps seems to need your help with something she can’t do. It can be a sign that she’d like you to be the gentleman and help her out. Be careful though, it can also be a sign that she’s very comfortable around you and sees you as just a friend or just needs help unscrewing a jar!

No. 6 The Tactile Flirt – This is a very obvious type of flirting. It’s all in the touch. If a woman makes physical contact with you at unnecessary opportunities, it won’t be because she doesn’t like you, that’s for sure. It doesn’t have to be very intimate, it can just be briefly touching you as she talks to you, leaning on you a little more than necessary. This type of flirt is very telling.

No. 7 The Overt Flirt – No mystery to be solved here, some women flirt and when they do they make sure you know about it. You go girl!
If you still aren’t sure whether a woman wants to be more than friends with you, the only way to really know is to ask. It may be painful, sure there’s risk involved, but it guarantees you don’t waste time pursuing someone who isn’t interested. Who knows, she may even find your confidence sexy!
Have you seen any other types of flirt?

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How To Get Over An Ex

Moving on from the ex

Moving on from the ex

It’s the part of dating we never talk about. How we ended up single …

Sometimes we are the ones who got away. Sometimes we aren’t so fortunate, and we’re left pining over someone we thought we’d be with forever.

So how do you get back on your feet after a break-up?

It’s one of those times when you almost have to act on auto-pilot. The more disciplined you are with yourself, the easier it will be. Tough love is the only cure for a broken heart, but you have to be the one to apply it to yourself.

Delete

If you’ve been dumped and you didn’t want to break up, then the only way to get over your ex is by deleting him or her from your life. Not necessarily forever, but at least until you’re over it. Don’t try to stay friends – you’re only making the situation more painful for yourself. Block him or her from your social media so that you’re not tempted to peek at their accounts.

Delete his or her number from your phone too. You may not want to text now, but after a drink or two, you might get other ideas.

De-clutter

Remove all trace of the other person from your life – hide, or throw away the things which remind you of your relationship. Staring at someone else’s toothbrush every morning isn’t going to help you start the day in the right frame of mind.

Hide photographs and momentos, delete messages from your phone, and stop listening to songs which you remind you of your ex. You need to go cold turkey.

Don’t Suffer False Hope

A lot of the time, people aren’t good at ending relationships. They don’t know how to do it efficiently, and try their best not to hurt the other person, which can lead to mixed signals. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to misread the signals and get your hopes up unnecessarily. Don’t try to be friends. It’s too soon. If they give you some space, they are actually doing the right thing.

No Break-Up Sex

It doesn’t make you feel better. And it won’t win your ex back. Don’t make yourself feel even worse by reminding yourself what you’re missing. You’re meant to be going cold turkey remember!

Give Yourself Time

A break-up is a grieving process. Yes, the person is still alive, but they’re not in your life any more, and that will take some getting used to. Give yourself time. Let yourself cry, or shout. Let yourself mope. Talk to a close friend about the way you’re feeling.

Put it in Context

Yes, break-ups suck, but there are far worse things that can happen. The end of a relationship can be all consuming. Take a moment to look around you and appreciate all the bad things happening to other people. Things could be a lot worse. Talk to your friends … and when I say talk, what I mean is listen. Listen to your friends’ problems, and put things into perspective. Remember, everyone has rubbish stuff going on. It may not feel like it, but things could be a lot worse.

Find A Distraction

Focus on you. What do you want to do? One of the best parts of being single is that you can be selfish. Now you have more time, how do you want to spend it?

Other Options

You might not feel like looking elsewhere yet, but give yourself time. The only way to really get over an ex, is by finding someone you like even more. Don’t rush things, but when you’re ready get online and remind yourself what your options are. If you feel like there’s no one else in the world for you, take a trip to a busy spot, and look around. There are 64 million people in the UK alone.

Move On

And then one day, you realise you don’t have to distract yourself any more. That you’re no longer forcing yourself to block out the memories, or to look around at other people. It might take some time, but you’ll get there … I promise.

Thanks to Charly there with some great advice on how to get over an ex. To ease the pain maybe the trick is to find someone new via the Singles 247 site who can help you look to the future and forget about the past.

 

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New to Online Dating

Dear Nicola

I’m new to Online dating but i’ve been recommended it by my friends as i’ve been single for so long and i’m fast approaching the big 40. A friend sat with me to create my profile and added photos but now i’m left to my own devices it scares me. I have been using the search tool for potential dates and sent messages to one or two men who i feel could be suitable but i’m finding this a difficult experience. I find myself not knowing what to say or how to be, if you could give me some help as I don’t have a clue. Thanks Sonya

Hi Sonya

Firstly don’t panic, online dating is a wonderful way to enable single people to interact. It’s particularly good for people who struggle to meet outside the internet like yourself. Use the online dating site as a help not a hindrance, the best bit is you can take your time responding to emails and put together text without having to think on your feet. Simply be yourself and be honest but stay safe. Remember to not give out personal details such as home address things like that until you have met them and when the time is right for you. Relax and try to enjoy it as you never know you could meet someone special.

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Romance and Regrets

Dating might be fun but if anyone thinks that dating is easy, they certainly must have been lucky in the romantic stakes. Dating in general is hard work and fraught with twists and turns which can easily upset the romantic applecart. If you are single then the temptation to rush back in to another relationship straight away might be overwhelming, but be warned, there can be many pitfalls to embracing dating whole-heartedly and you don’t want to look back and regret.

Deal with being newly single

Being newly single can send you straight into the arms of a dissatisfied married other. If you have been married or have been in a long term relationship yourself, you will understand only too well how difficult it can be to endure an unhappy marriage. Careful though. Many women have discovered that they were merely fresh fodder for bored husbands who have carefully on searched for single women on Internet dating sites. Many regrets have been made through believing sob stories whole-heartedly and whilst no doubt some are genuinely unhappy, many women live to regret becoming involved with married men.

Don’t regret missing the opportunity

Another regret for many is turning down a romantic encounter when they had the opportunity. You can argue of course that the timing was all wrong but maybe the lesson here is learning to jump at opportunities when they occur even if you might feel that you are not romantically ready at the time. Some women regret not asking out the man of their dreams, feeling that they didn’t stand a chance of ensnaring him only to find out much later, that he fancied them too. Too late though, he’s moved on. Don’t think about it too much and focus on your present situation.

Let the past love go

Regrets come in all shapes and sizes and often we look back over the years when life seemed so much simpler, there may have been that first boyfriend who you thought was always going to be the real love of your life. Regretting letting a past love go is not unusual but you have to remember that it’s likely that you are both different people now and would have potentially grown apart as the years progressed. Of course if your first love was a genuine, kind and caring individual and your partners afterwards were not any of those things, then its’ no wonder that you look back and see that love as one that was wasted. If you really feel regret leaving him, instead of moping about the past, consider how you can attract nicer men into your life instead. Look forwards and not backwards.

End a bad relationship early enough

Another regret for many women is not ending a bad relationship much earlier. We have probably all done this, held on to the relationship long after it was well and truly emotionally over. Fear of being alone, concerns that our partners might not cope without us or financial restraints can all tie us into a bad relationship. It’s much healthier to accept that it’s over and then move on and move out. It’s easy to regret trying to make it work and living a lie for some months or even years, but at some point, it’s time to say goodbye. Then when you look back, you can learn from the experience.

Sex plays a big part in our staying with the wrong man. Sometimes we are just attracted to bad boys and the sexual chemistry with a bad boy can really sizzle It doesn’t matter how you justify it to yourself; the sex might have been satisfying but was the relationship? A dissatisfying uncaring man might make your toes curl in the bedroom department but aren’t you worth more? These ‘friends with benefits’ relationships are only satisfying in the short term.

Don’t be afraid of being rejected

Fear of being hurt or rejected can often be a more overpowering emotion than love and if you have been badly hurt in the past, it can be a scary time when you start developing real feelings for someone again. Some women are unable to cope with this and have left their new love before getting hurt. These actions can very quickly lead to regrets.

The moral of the article is that you don’t want to waste your life by looking back and feeling regret for decisions that you made at the time. There is no point being fearful of life, instead embrace it, live it and enjoy it. Whatever decisions you make going forward, has to be because it’s the right decision for you at the time.

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Online Dating to Offline Wedding?

Is it possible to meet your lifetime partner and future spouse through the internet? Is it the right place to meet decent single persons?

In this digital age wherein the worldwide web is the most visited venue by all kinds of people, where else can we expect singles to converge?

Online dating websites might casually have taken over party places, special events, gatherings, product launches, sporting events, conferences and other places as avenue for singles to socialize and meet. Social media sites such as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn are other ways of meeting new people and possibly, one’s future spouse. This is a big plus for the single yuppies (young professionals) and career-minded singles who have no time to go out and meet new people. They are definitely in their right marrying age and are no longer into casual dating or one-night stands but are aiming towards settling down with the right one.

Social media sites were created for the purpose of connecting people globally. A single man from the northern hemisphere now has the capability to interact with a single lady from the southern part of Asia. Without the help of internet, something as magical as that would not have been possible at all. Friendships and marriages are built across the miles. Whether it leads to marriage or not, it is so gratifying to think that technology has brought worlds together and not apart. This is one of the beautiful things that online dating websites and social media have created.

It has indeed flattened the playing field for singles to convene and become acquainted with. Regardless of race, color or status in life, global online dating and social media have given an opportunity for all singles to interact and explore possibilities of friendship and marriage. This is a big advantage for singles who now have a wider choice, a deeper appreciation of each other’s differences, a broader definition of a good lifetime partner, an expansive comparison of eligible partners that would suit one’s preferences and greater chances of ending up with the right partner. There are also some singles who cannot express themselves well in person but are more comfortable in commnicating online. I still believe that we live in a world of sensible and decent individuals who are there to offer honest and deep friendship.

For every woman, wedding is the most awaited moment of her life and she would do everything to ensure that she is with the right person as she walks down the aisle. Meeting one’s future spouse through the net is just one of the ways just as meeting him through a regular gym workout, attending a party are some of the ways. As two mature and sensible individuals, your conversations would reflect your true nature and you can very well gauge the sincerity of the other person. Your interactions over the net can give you enough time to test his true motives. However, it is always wise to make a background check on the truthfulness of his profile, kinds of friends, and organizations he is affiliated with. In this world of information technology, everything is in your finger tips to unravel.

Another important preparation to do before marrying someone you’ve met online is to gain understanding of each other’s culture, religion, beliefs and values system. These factors play an important role in a person’s decisions, behavior and preferences. Remember that you are marrying someone who has a completely different background from you. You cannot impose your own values on someone else or expect them to think or behave as you normally would in a given situation. Understanding your partner’s background is the first step to embracing him for who he is.

Meeting each other’s families and spending a few days with close friends and relatives are important pre-wedding preparations that are often neglected. You will be interacting a lot with these people, if not on a daily basis, at least on special occassions. They are also your partner’s major life influencers so meeting them will give you a glimpse of what your life will be like after you are married.

Keep in mind that sincerity, trust, and acceptance are the main ingredients to a successful marriage.

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Making Yourself More Attractive to Women

Every man has experienced it, though many refuse to admit that it bothers them in the slightest – rejection. Chances are you’ve pulled out all the stops to get a woman to go out with you, perhaps even just talk to you, and after all that trying – nothing, nothing at all but a cold shoulder and an icy one at that.

Rejection affects the best of us. But it doesn’t have to, at least not as often. Perhaps you’re experiencing it now because it’s safe to say that you’re unaware of the numerous things that can make you more sexually attractive to women. Having an idea of what women look for in their men definitely helps.

Being slightly sullen is alright but not being moody and depressed.
Save your smile for the right occasion – don’t flash it too often or she might think that you aren’t as dominant, i.e. masculine, as she’d have liked.

Scientists – they’re rarely wrong and when they are, they will learn from it and do better next time, at least most of the time. According to the University of British Columbia, women are most attracted to proud, powerful men – and even men who look ashamed – with broody looks.

Happiness, for all its virtues, seems to take a backseat to gloom, so brood away in a masculine way, but don’t look depressed because this doesn’t seem to do much for the fairer sex. Moreover, it’s not much fun either to be with a man who appears to carry all the burdens in the world.

Being bold enough to wear a red or pink shirt in opportune occasions.
According to Jim Pfaus, Ph.D., at Concordia University, “Red is one of the colours that, depending on the background contrast, causes longer orienting reflexes, in which you look abruptly at a novel feature in the environment.”

This means that wearing red could make women more likely to look at you, but there’s more to wearing red, as it makes men look more powerful, and therefore more dominant and masculine – qualities women look for in men.

Being in the know when it comes to women but discreet about it.
What men don’t know about women could fill the Grand Canyon several times over. This is something women have come to accept, but it doesn’t mean they’re pleased about it – not one bit.
This is exactly why you need to know things about women, and in a subtle manner, let them know you know it – subtlety is the key here and it unlocks a treasure-trove of wonders.

Did you know that women buy more cars than men, that female mechanics average salaries one-third higher than male mechanics or that one in ten women has never had an orgasm?

These are things you should know about women and you need to work on dropping them into the conversation when you get a chance, but in a tactful way that doesn’t make you come across as though you rehearsed beforehand.

Being fit, healthy and having a strong immune system.
Having a strong immune system means you’re packed with testosterone, the hormone of manliness. Women, according to studies conducted by researchers at Abertay University and Wayne State University, rank men with strong immune systems higher than men with weak immune systems in terms of sexual attractiveness – basically, if your immune system is strong, women are much more likely to find you sexually attractive, so look for natural ways to boost your testosterone levels.

But there are more benefits to having a strong immune system and truckloads of testosterone pumping through your system, because researchers at Wayne State University also found that men with high testosterone levels were better able to take control of the conversation with women, plus they were more assertive, and this increased their success rates.

Being inquisitive, earnest and enthusiastic to know about things, life, love and women.
Women love inquisitiveness, so ask about her, her friends, her mum and keep her at the centre of attention at all times – she wants to be wanted on many levels, not only physically and sexually, so pay attention to her emotions, her intellect and her interests.

However, you need to be earnest and take a genuine interest – or at least become wickedly adept at faking one – because women have a tendency to see through superficiality far better than men.

Being hygienic and smelling just as a real man should.
“Women are attracted to the ‘right’ body smells, which can be a mix of one’s natural scent and soap, scented deodorant, or scents from perfumes,” says Pfaus.

If you’ve ever watched nature documentaries, you’d realise that females determine suitable mates on a number of factors and good hygiene generally denotes good health.

Since you’re taking care of yourself, you’re more likely to make a suitable mating partner – think of yourself as a bird of paradise, albeit without the pretty feathers and the manic prancing.

You will still meet women who might not be drawn to you. However, instead of feeling bad for yourself, take it as a challenge and a learning experience to be a better man and the person you really are.

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I’d rather text than phone my date

Dear Nicola

I have been single for the last few months after being in a long-term relationship. Getting back into the dating game is a challenge for me I find it hard to communicate with my dates and feel very nervous. I’ve joined various online dating sites and exchanged numbers. I have arranged to meet with a few guys via text but when they call to hear my voice and for a chat I simply struggle to take the call, i’d rather communicate via text. Is there something wrong with me? How can I overcome my fear of speaking to complete strangers who could be potential boyfriend material. I don’t want to put them off yet at the same time I don’t want to make a fool of myself and say the wrong thing. Stephanie

Hi Stephanie

Firstly may I add there is nothing wrong with you. It has not been long since you have become single and not had time to adjust to the single life. This could be a contributing factor of not being able to talk to your dates with a phone call. People get worried over the simplest of things, it’s understandable that you feel nervous talking to a stranger when you don’t really know them. Sometimes people like to hear a voice of the person they will be meeting even if it’s for a short 5 minutes to discuss where and when. Maybe have a drink for dutch courage to settle your nerves you may be surprised and brave the call. If you can’t bring yourself to do this then explain to your dates that you would prefer to meet in person before speaking on the phone i’m sure they will understand. Aside from speaking with dates over the phone people in general can find phone calls with strangers intimidating at the best of times. I hope you manage to get the confidence but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t. :)

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Ten Top Tips For Perfect Profile Photos

The Perfect Profile Photo

The Perfect Profile Photo


1) Use More Than One Photo

Ideally select four or five photos. Include at least one full-length shot – ideally two. The rest should be clear photos of your face.

2) Go Solo

Choose photos with just yourself in. Don’t leave someone guessing who you are, or give them the opportunity to compare you to your friends! Avoid shots with children, exes, tigers … They don’t give the positive impressions you might think they do!

3) Be Honest

Your photos should look like you. There’s no point turning up on a first date, and looking nothing like your profile photos. All photos should be no more than a year old, and ideally taken within the last six months. Yes, you have changed … we all do!

Age isn’t the only way photos can be deceptive. Choose photos which actually look like the person you see every day in the mirror. Don’t apply filters, and don’t select photos taken from an overly flattering angle.

4) Take Your Sunglasses Off

They mask your face. Don’t hide behind shades, be proud of who you are! Anyone interested in you should be attracted to the person behind the sunglasses. Yes, they may make you look cool in real life, but remember you’re showing complete strangers a photo of you – they don’t know what lies underneath.

5) Keep Your Clothes On

Keep them on! Even if you have an incredible body leave something to the imagination. How many of your friends did you see semi-naked, before you even met them?!

6) Head Outside

Lighting outside is always more flattering and realistic, and an outdoor setting can be relaxing and easy on the eye. If you don’t have any recent photos taken outside, try to take some next time you’re in a park or at an outdoor event.

7) Showcase Your Hobbies

Choose pictures which represent the real you. If you’re active, include photos of you playing your favourite sport. If you’re musical, include a snap of you playing your favourite instrument. Tell a story with the photos. Just make sure you’re doing activities that you actually do – not something you tried once and hated!

8) No Mirror Shots
Don’t take a selfie in a mirror. It looks like you have no friends to take a photo, and it will never be the taken from the best angle.

9) Ask A Friend For Help

Get a friend to help you – both taking photos and choosing them. It’s a lot easier to relax in front of a camera when a friend is holding it. Then before you post your photos online, get a second opinion about which photos look most like you.

10) A Photo Tells A Thousand Words

So choose those words carefully! We all read far more into photos than we realize. Make sure the photo shows the real you – wear clothes you would normally wear, and make sure the photos are taken in places you’d normally go. Like it or not, assumptions about social status, background and aspects of your personality will all be made from your clothing, hair, and the photos you’ve chosen to represent yourself.

Now put these top ten dating tips into practice at the Singles 247 Dating site!

 
 

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