Love can be a complete minefield; you can be peacefully mincing through a field hand in hand with your new beau, floral dress waving in the breeze and then one wrong footing and BOOM. One of the common questions bitterly muttered from my circle of girlfriends is ‘Where did he go?’ or ‘He just dropped me like a sack of potatoes’, obviously my initial response is to coo ‘Don’t be silly you aren’t a sack of potatoes, you are a sack of rainbows and female hormones!’ As part of our dating advice and tips series we are going to dive head first into that common question of ‘What did I say wrong?’
- ‘Why do you like me?’ This seems like an innocent enough question, but what we forget is the reason why we are even asking the question. Obviously if we charge forward with this question we are displaying that we need that confirmation that we are wanted. Especially in a new relationship, you need to be so careful about how you present yourself; this question can sometimes come across a bit needy and insecure – Even if you meant it in a very different way! What you should remember is ‘He is with me because I am FABULOUS, and I do not need any confirmation from anyone as to how GREAT I am!’ Remember – he is with you for a reason, if he didn’t like you he would be there would he?
- ‘My ex used to say that about me too!’ We are all completely aware that everyone has a certain amount a baggage that they carry from one relationship to the next, but it is a widely known, unspoken rule that you just don’t mention your ex to your current flame. Not only is it a bit of a dating taboo, it also shines a bright light on your baggage – even to the point of making it look like you aren’t over your ex. We would be mad if we didn’t believe everyone has a past, but we don’t need to put it on display for all to see!
- ‘Why didn’t you text me back?’ We can all be a bit insecure at times and have to ask these kinds of questions – but you have to remember that he does have a life of his own. We can all get swept up into a co-dependent relationship, one where you spend all day every day together – like an intense and passionate novel…But sooner or later life gets in the way; work, friends, family etc. It is hard sometimes to adjust to going from his entire life, to part of his life…You have to realise you are both two independent separate people, with their own social groups, own situations, own careers etc… So what if he doesn’t text back your mid-day message of ‘Ha just saw this dog do the funniest thing’?
- ‘Your mates are a bit immature though aren’t they?’ When it comes to your partners friends – you just don’t go there. Remember – they were there long before you came along. Obviously, if you generally don’t like/get on with them – that is okay, but you have to try and find some common ground. Friends are an important part of anyone’s life, and I am sure you would find it a giant slap in the face with a wet kipper if he slagged off your friends! Just sup it up and remember your relationship with him is completely separate.
- ‘I saw you got a text from that ex of yours!’ Never, I repeat NEVER check his phone. The very fact you are checking his phone proves you shouldn’t be in that relationship anyway. There just isn’t an excuse for it, it doesn’t matter how insecure or how paranoid (rightfully or wrongfully so) you are – just don’t do it. If you get caught – there is a whole new problem and you will never live down the ‘bunny boiler’ label, if you don’t get caught you are still betraying his trust. If you are paranoid he is cheating/being unfaithful in any way – just out right ask him. What ever happened to direct communication? If you don’t believe him, don’t be with him! You should respect yourself enough to not be treated badly.
Before you implement these few rules, we need to find your new flame! Sign up here at Singles 24/7 – We will have you mincing through a field (With no explosions – only of passion hopefully!) in no time.
Writer can be found on Twitter at @Anxious_Crayon