Should Women Tone Down Their Personality?

Many women wonder if it’s them.  Do their personalities get in the way and cause them to fail at dating? Do their relationships end due to their personality? Should they change themselves? Well, that depends on how bad they want a relationship and the sacrifices they are willing to make.  Would they be happy if they changed? Would relationships be, and last longer? According to Reuters, 2013, “the most important thing to someone on a first date is their date’s personality (30%), smile/looks (23%), sense of humour (14%), career and education (10%).

Changing Your Personality

Toning Down Personality

First of all, you can’t really change your personality, only the way you represent it. You can change the way you behave.  “Five different personality types which guys are known to steer clear of include serial flirters, discussing marriage prematurely, clingy women, the party-girl, and a woman who talks all the time or is a drama queen” (Santagati, 2007). Most of these behaviours can be avoided without losing yourself, but others can’t be changed so easily.

When deciding if you should change your personality, that’s ultimately up to you.  There are several things to consider when deciding whether or not to change.  When all things are considered it’s up to you to weigh out the benefits and sacrifices and determine if it’s worth it or not.

Benefits of Toning Down Personality

Benefits of toning down your personality are just as those expected.  If your personality is too much you may repel men before you get a chance to know them.  If you tone down your personality you may be able to attract a larger variety of men and keep them long enough to get to know them.  Toning down your personality might also benefit you throughout your career and other aspects of your life. “Dating relationships statistics reveal that around 65% of men, and about 88% of women assess the personality of an individual prior to agreeing to go out with them or not” (Bhatti, 2011).

Sacrifices of Toning Down Personality

What many people don’t realize is that it’s not that easy to just up and change your ways.  Changing your ways is changing yourself. You will be different.  Do you want to be different? Would you be happy that way? Could you even change forever, or would you go back to your old ways, and cause the relationship to end? Consider this, when you change one thing, don’t you think that there will be more and more to change. Is it worth losing yourself? “The most hurtful outcome is losing your own identity during the process of loving him or her too much, and forgetting how special you are too.” (Ernest Hemingway, Men without Women) If this is true, then imagine loosing yourself before you fall in love.


It seems to me that the sacrifices greatly outweigh the benefits, but we all have our own opinions.  Just remember that with the whole online dating scene, the dating world offers ample possibilities to find a mate who’ll accept you, warts and all!



Author Bio
Tina West

Tina West

Hi, I’m Tina a dating expert from London, England. I have over 7yrs of experience in a wide range of topics from 'First Date Ideas' to "How To Improve Your Sex Life". I help singles and couples get the most out of dating providing day to day support from my clinic.
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