My last post ‘Is he a player?’ got me pondering – what is it about a bad boy that we are all, at one point or another, drawn to? As part of our dating tips and advice series, I am going to dive head first into the female psyche to see if we can identify why it is we all fall for the Russell Brand’s of this universe, despite ourselves.
At what point in-between the cryptic texts, ‘accidentally’ leaving his wallet at home, leaving you to pay for dinner for the third time this week, and casually inviting his mates to intrude on your date, did we forget ourselves? At what point did all of our expectations we have for ourselves vanish? At what point did our standards drop? It takes a very particular guy to make us strong independent women fuzzy headed and forget about how we should be treated… And this guy is the ‘bad boy’.
The boy whose status as an ‘adult’ should be very loosely used, that boy who shows up 45 minutes late for a date and barely apologises before he tells you he is so happy that you and him are just ‘casual’. All the while you are biting your lip in confusion of anger and sexual frustration, not completely sure whether you want to slap him for being so rude, or rip his shirt off with your teeth. Is this ringing any bells?
Well, firstly this is very natural. The first thing, I believe, that leads us to these ‘bad boys’ is the sexual connection. Think about it if there was no sexual intensity, or you weren’t that attracted to him would you really put up with the rubbish he puts you through? Sex is one thing that can completely obscure our vision, the one thing that can invite us to go against our better judgement and end up in the clutches of a self-confessed ladies man.
It is also something to note that maybe you are attaching yourself to someone who is a bit of a rebel, a bit off-key because you think you might be able to ‘fix’ him. There may be a huge part of you that thinks ‘I could be the one who he really actually falls for, I could be his queen. I could save him.’ I genuinely believe that everything and anything is possible, but this particular possibility is a VERY rare occurrence. You could be putting yourself up for a huge fall or making more damage than good!
The only healthy way to date a bad boy is with eyes wide open. If you enjoy the thrills, the uncertainty of what will happen next and don’t mind sharing him with others – then go for it. As long as you keep your expectations honest and realistic and you keep an open mind. Some of us girls just love a few months of madness with a ‘bad boy’ to keep us on our toes, to those women – here is to you, good luck and enjoy the fun!
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