The thing about dating, is that sometimes it can all seem to be about the other person. You wait for a response. You wait to be asked out. You wonder if they feel the same way. But in reality there’s always someone more important to think about. Because when it comes down to it, successful dating is all about you, and your relationship with yourself.
Sometimes it can be difficult not to see being single as a form of failure.
In the same way we set ourselves aims for our career, we also set ourselves targets for our personal lives, and it can be hard not to compare ourselves to others. But the reality of relationships, is that they happen at different times, and in different ways, for everyone.
If you’re feeling down about your single status, then sometimes it can feel like it may never end. Whilst the rational side of your brain knows that you just need to cast your net wide, and wait to meet the right person, every now and again it’s natural to panic. To question yourself. To worry that maybe you’re doing something wrong. And yet a key lesson to learn about dating is that being single is not a failure, and it’s not a reflection on you.
Confidence is attractive. We’re drawn to those who are self-assured. As a result, picking yourself apart, and blaming yourself for your single status is completely counter-intuitive.
In most cases, the reason someone is single is simply a case of timing. Maybe you’ve just come out of a relationship. Maybe you haven’t got over an ex properly. Maybe you’ve been too busy with work, or not had enough time to meet new people. The reason you’re single is very rarely down to your weight, your personality, or your appearance … and yet when you’re feeling particularly low or desperate, these might seem like easy answers. Something to blame. Something to ‘fix’.
They say you need to love yourself before someone else can. And in order to truly love the person you are, you first need to understand that person.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, really focus on who you are, and what you are capable of. What are your strengths and weaknesses? These questions aren’t simply important for self confidence, they’re also a very necessary part of the dating process. You need to understand yourself, in order to recognise what you need in a partner. Are you affectionate? Are you tactile? Are you someone who needs her own space? Do you have limited time for your relationship?
By all means, make changes to yourself. But never make them for someone else. Any changes you make to yourself need to be made for yourself. If you decide you need to do something for your own happiness, then make a change.
It would be naïve to suggest there is no room for self-improvement in life. But the important thing is that you don’t link the desire for improvement to your single status. If you see the two things as linked, then it will only end up being destructive. You need to know that anyone you attract is drawn to you. Not just attracted to the new improvements.
Once you’ve developed self-confidence, and you’re aware enough of your self to understand what you’re worth, you should never forget it.
You should never feel like you’re stuck in a situation because you don’t deserve better. If that’s how something feels, then it’s not right for you. In life there may be certain things we compromise on, but love shouldn’t be one of those things. Know your own value. Don’t let someone push you around, or make you feel unworthy.
Keep that knowledge of your own self-worth with you every day. It’s even more important when you’re not single. Never let someone treat you with disrespect. Stand up for yourself, and believe in yourself. Be your own biggest cheerleader. You need to be the most important person in your world.