Dear Agony Aunt Nicola
I’ve had an on and off relationship with a man i’ve been seeing over the last two years. Over time my feelings have grown for him but I am struggling to deal with non commitment from him. As he is younger he likes to have his nights out with his friends then I hear from others that he’s been seen with other women. Whether these are rumours or not I shouldn’t have to hear it and have questioned him if he’s gone behind my back to which he denies. Then one day a conquest of his approached me in the school playground announcing she had slept with my man. I was distraught even though I kept my cool, he had to come clean in the end and but made out we were on a break. He lied to me and I can’t forgive him, I want to take revenge even though I still have feelings for him. It would make me feel better if he suffered some pain the way he made me feel with his lies and cheating. How can I get my feelings under control without going mad. Tammy
On and off relationships are difficult to have as the uncertainty is there of not knowing where you stand. It’s hard to not get attached to someone you are spending time with so when they go off as if they’re single it deeply hurts the person left behind. Your emotions are heightened which can also have an effect on your well-being or mindset. To constantly feel angry or revengeful is unhealthy and to conquer this you need to make some changes. Firstly one is to talk to this man and give him an ultimatum either he commits to you or your relationship is over. If you don’t make a stand he will continue to do it and your unhappiness will be prolonged. Sit down and discuss in an amicable way how you feel then decide from there if it’s make or break. The last thing you want to do is take revenge as this won’t achieve anything plus you could end up getting in trouble no matter how small or large. The best way to get revenge is to show him you are a strong person and move on with your life with a smile on your face.