Dear Agony Aunt Nicola
Last year I was in short term relationship with a younger guy and at the time I had rekindled affection for a former lover which was out of the blue. At the time I stayed with my partner even though I had feelings for another man, but I didn’t want to upset anyone. My former lover was single and made it quite clear he wanted to be with me but I couldn’t make the break. Over many months of anguish of not knowing what to do it was obvious to my partner I wasn’t my usual bubbly self and at times broke down in tears. I was also moody and not happy in the end which caused arguments then resulted in the ending of that relationship. Most people would be devasted of an ending but I was free to hopefully start something special with my former love. Unaware to me my new love was already in a relationship and couldn’t tell me the truth. He had reasons were he never thought i would break up with my ex and was afraid that I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. I was mortified and very upset as I had dreamt of falling into his arms but someone else had their hands on him. I try to move on with my life even though we are still in contact and he clearly still feels a connection with me. I just don’t know what to do, give him an ultimatum or move on. Jo
What a difficult predicament to be in and your relationship that you were in at the time was doomed as soon as you saw your old flame. Things happen for a reason and perhaps you weren’t meant to be with either of them but only time will tell if your old flame acts fast while you are currently single. In the meantime the best thing to do is enjoy your time on your own to reflect on the current situation and decide what’s best for you. It’s no good pining for someone you can’t have it will only hinder you. Move on and meet other people to take your mind off him and within time you will get over it and maybe find someone better and forget what all the fuss was about. Now you are single you can find the right available man that ticks all the boxes.