So, you’ve recently been through a difficult and emotion filled breakup and you’re wondering how long you’ll need to heal? The answer to this question is definitely not an easy one to find, it depends on the person, the relationship and a plethora of other factors.
The theory most people rely on states to fully get passed a break up it takes half the time of the relationship. For example, if your last relationship lasted 2 years, it’ll take 1 year to get over that guy or girl. This may be a good starting point, but of course there are so many other factors you can’t ignore. Things that happen before, during or after the relationship willl affect how the breakup will pan out. It’s only after we address these elements, does the question of how long it will take to get over the breakup will become clear.
The first factor we’ll look at is what I call the ‘it’s already over’ moment. This is the moment during the relationship when the harsh reality hits you; it’s not going to last forever. As a rule of thumb, the longer the time between this moment and the end of the relationship, the less time is needed to fully get over your relationship. Now for certain people this specific moment may have come about weeks before the actual official end, simply spending the time between just putting up with the relationship, hoping something will change so that they can stay together. In this example, the time required to heal is extremely short. On the other hand, some people don’t find out it’s not actually going to last forever until the very moment their partner breaks up with them. Sadly for this unlucky camper they’re going to need a lot more time to fully heal.
Ask yourself what number relationship this is? Is this your first or your hundredth? The number of notches on that all important relationship counter changes how the breakup will pan out. This directly affects how long you are going to have to wait until that glue fixing your broken heart will take to harden. If this is your first love, then I’m sorry to say this isn’t going to be an easy end. If it’s your second time it will be a little easier. Your third? Even shorter, and so on and so on.
The final question we need to ask is: How have you been spending this postbreak up period? It’s not going to surprise you to hear that your behaviour and general day to day life changes dramatically after breaking up with someone. How you act changes, you do things you wouldn’t think you’d normally do, your personality alters, etc. Sleeping with more people than usual, checking your phone constantly for missed calls or texts, losing your temper when you’re actually a calm person these are all examples of how your very being can change after the end of a relationship. These behaviour and personality changes may be a side effect of breakupitis, but it is also a good indicator if you’re looking to find out how much time you need to heal. When you get over this period you’ll return to your normal self, you’ll return to the kind of person you were before the terrible breakup. Say there’s a big difference between this current self and your past self, that means there’s a long way to go. The closer you two get there is less time needed to end this postbreak up sadness.
With all these complicated factors it may seem impossible to see when happiness will return. Don’t fret however, mathematics isn’t such a fickle mistress. Simply answer the questions below and do a little bit of high school maths and you’ll finally see how long you’ll have to endure this postbreak up period. Protip: keep a calculator handy.
Start with the number of months your relationship lasted, Divide that by two, subtract the number of weeks between the ‘its already over moment’ and when you broke up, On a scale of 1 3 (with 1 being the least and 3 being the most) how different would you say your behaviour is to your usual self? Multiply what you’ve got so far by this number, Is this your first relationship? Then add 3. If this is your second then add 2, your third add 1, if
it’s anymore than your fourth then just add 1.
And there we go, whatever answer you’re left with it’s how long it’ll take, in months, to officially get over your relationship. By the way, if your answer is anything less than 0 then chances are you’ve moved on already.
Whatever your answer may be, whether it be 1 or 12 months, just remember there is light at the end of the tunnel, the darkness will fade and you will be happy again.